We can not express the feelings of which we are harbouring at the moment without becoming somewhat illiterate and frustrated. Understanding the difficulties of putting on large scale events, we appreciate the efforts put forth by our city. However we have noticed that there has been a theme developing over the past few years.
1) The Canada Day Breakfast: which really began for us the day before. Mika is a wizard. He is the catalyst to any boring and tedious activity no matter the caliber. For example, you need to precook 180 sausages for tomorrow's group breakfast. Initial thoughts would include:
- I hope they're 100% beef
- Sausages? Really? Bacon is way more Canadian
- I'd rather just eat jello it's made of the same stuff but at least you have a rainbow of selection (preferably red or clear for this occassion). You could even have Jello shots, very celebratory and could even help ease the pain of the coming events.
In the words of Mika, "Big Girls you are beautiful". And what a better way to get bigger than eating sausages.
2) Parade: okay... cool we guess, unless youre a little kid and it becomes your second Halloween. Meanwhile we're debating whether or not to strangle children for the candy they are forming in piles, literally. I know it would seem extreme to push over a little kid for some exquisite, individually wrapped bonbons but when you think about it, in the end you'll get the candy and they'll learn to respect their elders. Win win! Really, you know somethings wrong when the funniest part of your parade exerience is crossing paths with a woman who has a beard, and she isn't even part of the parade. Also, what makes this even worse is that the best people in the parade were old men ripping around on their matching scooters. We particularly enjoyed their figure eight routine.
3) Exhibition Park: If your idea of entertainment is listening to an MC specifically chosen for their career as a comedian, but comments on their own jokes after they make them, then we REGRET your absence at the evenings entertainment. Alas, some of you weren't able to make it, however those of you who did we particularly enjoyed each and every awkward encounter (every single encounter we had). Not only did we find it especially routine, but surprisingly we left too soon to find ourselves sitting on a quilt, freezing and developing headaches from straining our necks to gaze at the mediocre fireworks. If that doesn't Happy Canada Day, then we don't know what does.
4) The unexpected turnaround: We received a shining beacon of hope whilst dodging snappers launched by a sea of indo-canadian children. The text invited to play Rockband, now usually we're more of the sing star types but since we needed to scidaddle on the pronto, we figured it would be a good way to release the aggression built up in us from the less than celebratory day we had experienced. Nothing soothes away a terrible day like rocking out to german death metal. The lyrics of DU HAST will be haunting us for the next couple of weeks, and we will continue to sing it even thought it feels like death unleashed on your trachea.
Until the arrival of a new post,
Happy Belittled Canada Day,
Sincerely,
Midas and Titus
p.s. feel free to look up the song Du Hast by Rammstein, it's utterly enthralling.
1) The Canada Day Breakfast: which really began for us the day before. Mika is a wizard. He is the catalyst to any boring and tedious activity no matter the caliber. For example, you need to precook 180 sausages for tomorrow's group breakfast. Initial thoughts would include:
- I hope they're 100% beef
- Sausages? Really? Bacon is way more Canadian
- I'd rather just eat jello it's made of the same stuff but at least you have a rainbow of selection (preferably red or clear for this occassion). You could even have Jello shots, very celebratory and could even help ease the pain of the coming events.
In the words of Mika, "Big Girls you are beautiful". And what a better way to get bigger than eating sausages.
2) Parade: okay... cool we guess, unless youre a little kid and it becomes your second Halloween. Meanwhile we're debating whether or not to strangle children for the candy they are forming in piles, literally. I know it would seem extreme to push over a little kid for some exquisite, individually wrapped bonbons but when you think about it, in the end you'll get the candy and they'll learn to respect their elders. Win win! Really, you know somethings wrong when the funniest part of your parade exerience is crossing paths with a woman who has a beard, and she isn't even part of the parade. Also, what makes this even worse is that the best people in the parade were old men ripping around on their matching scooters. We particularly enjoyed their figure eight routine.
3) Exhibition Park: If your idea of entertainment is listening to an MC specifically chosen for their career as a comedian, but comments on their own jokes after they make them, then we REGRET your absence at the evenings entertainment. Alas, some of you weren't able to make it, however those of you who did we particularly enjoyed each and every awkward encounter (every single encounter we had). Not only did we find it especially routine, but surprisingly we left too soon to find ourselves sitting on a quilt, freezing and developing headaches from straining our necks to gaze at the mediocre fireworks. If that doesn't Happy Canada Day, then we don't know what does.
4) The unexpected turnaround: We received a shining beacon of hope whilst dodging snappers launched by a sea of indo-canadian children. The text invited to play Rockband, now usually we're more of the sing star types but since we needed to scidaddle on the pronto, we figured it would be a good way to release the aggression built up in us from the less than celebratory day we had experienced. Nothing soothes away a terrible day like rocking out to german death metal. The lyrics of DU HAST will be haunting us for the next couple of weeks, and we will continue to sing it even thought it feels like death unleashed on your trachea.
Until the arrival of a new post,
Happy Belittled Canada Day,
Sincerely,
Midas and Titus
p.s. feel free to look up the song Du Hast by Rammstein, it's utterly enthralling.
HHHAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I just read this, and then reread this to Bailey. We were both killing ourselves laughing. I love that the bearded woman wasn't even part of the parade.
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic. I also enjoyed my awkward encounter with whichever one of you is Ethan. Liam, let's be awkward sometime soon; it's been too long.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys, and Shoshana we will have an encounter soon.
ReplyDelete