It really has been too long poodles

That's it. You're all poodles. No questinos <-- not a spelling mistake. Ooh has it been too long, we're back and sassier than ever. Had a splendid time hibernating during the summer equinox and now we're ready to blog like it's the end of the world (wink). What is up with all this cafuffle about 2012 anyways? Guys get your head in the game. While we're all busy day dreaming about christmikah little do we realize that the world could theoretically be over. That said, we are glad to say that at least one of us will have one semester of university in the bag, and the other, seven months worth of sewing knowledge. It's a perfect package really. If the world were to end we would probably tell everyone whom hate, that we love them so that they will at least feel good as they perish in the terror of their inevitable defeat. Now, we will go into our next segment called: What not to wear... to Heaven of course!

What not to wear to heaven:
-white clothing (it's after labour day dingdongs)
-Kaftans (Jesus may get jealous and be all, "Gurl gimme yo top")
-British Hats (Don't completely undertand why they aren't banned from high society)
-Platform flipflops (your flippy is flopping, 'nuff said)
-Scrunchies (no explanation needed)
-yoga pants (gurl please, if you be wearing yoga pants on New Year's Eve you deserve to burn in hell, so in that case be our guest and take your lulu's with you)
-Animal skins/furs (Upon arrival to heaven it may come back to life, and we all know how vicious them gators are)

What we're going to wear to heaven:
-victoria's secret wings
-golden thongs (sandals you dirties)
-sequinned meggings (only one of us ha)
-turban (just to cover all the bases, who knows the sikhs may be onto something)
-spare toga (who knows what the styles and fits are like in heaven)
-change purse(just in case you have to buy your way to heaven, and those wings don't trick no angels)
-Gucci Sunglasses(to protect our retinas from some serious UV)
-Emerald Velvet Blazer (just so people get know we mean business)

That's about it, but before we close we would like to know what you will be wearing on New Year's Eve? Please pay attention to the lists above.

Also follow us because we're just getting started and we need all the support we can get... please be our bra.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D33G7UUc_Jw

Katy Perry!

Getting to this concert was a battle. We had won these tickets to Katy Perry at a school carnival and were immediately overwhelmed with the possibility of being in the same room as the California gurl. Even though we had to share the room with 13,000 other screaming fans; many shared in this excitement. However in a bout of "sisterly kindness" our chances were jeopardized. One Rebecca Looselips Marvin spread the heinous rumour of Katy Perry's  role as QUEEN OF THE SLUTS! Our mother directly found out and took immediate action. The vehicle which we would kindly take to the concert was no longer available after this escapade. We had to somehow get the car or else this experience would never have happened. We took our mother to the mall to get a belt fixed but ended up forcing her to try on clothes, which she hates because her mother forced her to wear clothes she didn't like. During this frenzy of clothes and adult tantrums we slipped tiny hints to our mother about taking the car to the concert. After all, trying on clothes was worse for her than letting us take the car. She gave us a list of requirements promptly and we completed them dutifully. Two days later, we found ourselves in alien makeup being harassed by a drunken unicorn and his tolerant skank. While in line to a gum ball machine with the power to upgrade our seats we were budged in front of by this intoxicated duo claiming that they were always with us. We were won over by the unicorn's funny bone and extreme rine stones on this chick's beaded bikini bottom. Although we did not win upgrades, we did enjoy the concert. After taking our seats one of us was entertained by Janelle Monae and the other was floored. DJ Skeet Skeet was next on the Katy Train and he had the crowds jamming to his beats. We were stuck in the uncomfortable zone of seats because everyone was either below the age of 13 and obviously too cool to dance or above the age of thirty and not yet drunk enough. On the topic of alcohol, we were pleased to find that the delicious scent of cupcakes and cotton candy masked the smell of all the booze. Katy finally emerged from backstage and opened with Teenage Dream. She then continued for two hours with everything sweet and sassy. We were very glad to put all rumors to shame boasting of her inability to sing competently in concert. We're fans and hope to win tickets to her next concert!

'Til next time 
Midas and Titus 

Destination: Procrastination

It seems as though we've been very slothful when considering our efforts in posting new things. No seriously we make sloths jealous we procrastinate so hard. We have an endless list of stories just waiting to be typed. The problem is there are just so many we don't know which one should come first. Looks like we'll have to start from the beginning. (UGH) This is all for you guys, you should be grateful.

Biking the Kettle Valley Railway:

'Twas a beautiful Monday morning and we had to get up so early! We woke up at 6:00 a.m. so we could load up all of our things into the car, get showered and eat our last bowl of cereal in the comfort of civilization. We stepped out into the early morning sun, eyes squinting, tank tops blowing in the wind, shorts tighter than ever, bandanas poised above our brows. 

We were ready for anything.

Little did we know the next few days would include:
-little sleep
-vigorous exercise
-anal fissures (ask your mom/doctor)
-ravenous mosquitoes
-search and rescue
-malicious liars
-gravel beds
-the sands of hell
-hail/rain/cats/small dogs/clouds/glimmers of sunlight
-beautiful country side in peripherals
-stanky feet
-stellar tans (farmers, gloves, helmet, sunglasses)
-murmuring adolescence
-310 Km of biking

After this momentous week, we celebrated with long needed showers, and a plump roast. It was really quite fun it just seems like nothing positive managed to get into the list. Hmm that's weird.

Cover Judging

If judging by the cover was a sport, we would be professional athletes. We would also have various Olympic medals and certificates of achievement. This really never brings us any good, but at least we show a little bit of class when we're proven wrong. Often times we just miss out on things that are really awesome like Lady Gaga's new album Born This Way.  Honestly mother monster, a poorly edited photo of a motorbike with your gargoyle face mounted on the head? This cover would OBVIOUSLY cause some preconceived notions that the album was the love child of an expensive prostitute and the Hell's Angels. We don't like to admit we're wrong but this album cover really shows who the real little monsters are (those who are willing to appreciate the cover and just listen to the music). After taking a listen to the iTunes store snippets of the album we believed our idea to be correct however after listening to the full versions of each song, we have come to the conclusion that iTunes is corrupt. Some corporate in the iTunes company with a devout conservative outlook was clearly out to curb Gaga's career. They just chose the most boring parts of each song to advertise, and it almost worked. However that meddling wench didn't get the best of Gaga.

Things we Judge by the Cover:

-food: Indian food, old diaper or take out?
-people: Oh come on we all do it 
-clothes: You know that thing when a dress looks ugly on a hanger and then you put it on a person and it looks fabulous
-music:already established
-voices: You know that thing when you hear someone's singing voice but they actually look way different than you expected. Can be a let down.

Enjoy judging but at least have the decency to keep an open mind, even after being proven wrong.

Until the arrival of a new Post,
enjoy the link,
sincerely,
Midas and Titus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcjKF2SF7Q

Happy belittled Canada Day!

We can not express the feelings of which we are harbouring at the moment without becoming somewhat illiterate and frustrated. Understanding the difficulties of putting on large scale events, we appreciate the efforts put forth by our city. However we have noticed that there has been a theme developing over the past few years.

1) The Canada Day Breakfast: which really began for us the day before. Mika is a wizard. He is the catalyst to any boring and tedious activity no matter the caliber. For example, you need to precook 180 sausages for tomorrow's group breakfast. Initial thoughts would include:
- I hope they're 100% beef
- Sausages? Really? Bacon is way more Canadian
- I'd rather just eat jello it's made of the same stuff but at least you have a rainbow of selection (preferably red or clear for this occassion). You could even have Jello shots, very celebratory and could even help ease the pain of the coming events.
In the words of Mika, "Big Girls you are beautiful". And what a better way to get bigger than eating sausages.

2) Parade: okay... cool we guess, unless youre a little kid and it becomes your second Halloween. Meanwhile we're debating whether or not to strangle children for the candy they are forming in piles, literally. I know it would seem extreme to push over a little kid for some exquisite, individually wrapped bonbons but when you think about it, in the end you'll get the candy and they'll learn to respect their elders. Win win! Really, you know somethings wrong when the funniest part of your parade exerience is crossing paths with a woman who has a beard, and she isn't even part of the parade. Also, what makes this even worse is that the best people in the parade were old men ripping around on their matching scooters. We particularly enjoyed their figure eight routine.

3) Exhibition Park: If your idea of entertainment is listening to an MC specifically chosen for their career as a comedian, but comments on their own jokes after they make them, then we REGRET your absence at the evenings entertainment. Alas, some of you weren't able to make it, however those of you who did we particularly enjoyed each and every awkward encounter (every single encounter we had). Not only did we find it especially routine, but surprisingly we left too soon to find ourselves sitting on a quilt, freezing and developing headaches from straining our necks to gaze at the mediocre fireworks. If that doesn't Happy Canada Day, then we don't know what does.

4) The unexpected turnaround: We received a shining beacon of hope whilst dodging snappers launched by a sea of indo-canadian children. The text invited to play Rockband, now usually we're more of the sing star types but since we needed to scidaddle on the pronto, we figured it would be a good way to release the aggression built up in us from the less than celebratory day we had experienced. Nothing soothes away a terrible day like rocking out to german death metal. The lyrics of DU HAST will be haunting us for the next couple of weeks, and we will continue to sing it even thought it feels like death unleashed on your trachea.

Until the arrival of a new post,
Happy Belittled Canada Day,
Sincerely,
Midas and Titus

p.s. feel free to look up the song Du Hast by Rammstein, it's utterly enthralling.

Cleaning House

Our House, not in the middle of the street but thanks Madness (Band responsible for the hit song Our House) . It's just an ordinary old house on the side of a regular street which we would prefer to withhold the name thereof (there are way too many creepy spiders on this interweb). Cleaning the house can be fun when it includes vaccuum dancing to a blasting iPod dock (preferably Beyonce). 

BUT WAIT! 

The fun stops there, even with Beyonce's goddess voice encouraging you with every note, doing the dishes just can't be done to the same degree of amusement. If it can't be casually chatted about over a frappucino at Starbucks is it really worth it?  Really moms all over the world, you can't honestly like to do the dishes even though it is one of the closest things to a bubble bath.

Unfortunately death had overwhelmed our dearest dish washer, Maytag, long ago and now we succumb to the physical labour of doing the dishes ourselves. This burden has been especially heavy since we are trying to get by with the absence of our mother dearest, don't worry she isn't dead, she's just away. It just shows how much your parents do for you, and then you really know how much they do for you when they're gone and you're stuck doing the housework. We can come to the conclusion that dishes are easier said than done.

Until the arrival of a new Post
Yours truly,
Midas and Titus

Good Day Kind Sirs

   Well this is awkward. Our first post. Not at all like a first child, but we wouldn't know. However, like all first time parents we will try our best to raise this little blog to become an upstanding citizen of the interweb. We hope we can quickly establish a bounty of followers so we can share more of our quirks and inside jokes without making people think we're total snitches(a little inside but we have to start somewhere). See the thing is, we LOVE to critique and occasionally give constructive feedback. Our numerous life consuming activities include: Music, Performing, Fashion, Art, Crafts, and finding new inspiration. We hope you enjoy the posts to come and that you feel inspired after reading.

Until the arrival of a new post
Yours sincerely,
Midas and Titus